Throwdown Thursday: Can She Handle the Long Flight to Australia?

Paul and I both would really love to visit Australia some day. We would love to tour wineries in the Shiraz valley, snorkel the Great Barrier reef, get up close to a kangaroo or a koala, and visit the vast Australian Outback. And, of course, we would love to play poker in some of Australia’s best poker rooms. If we ever manage this trip, we would probably wrap in a visit to New Zealand along the way. Unfortunately, I do not handle a long flight well. I feel a panic attack coming on at the mere idea of being stuck in a coach class seat for the 23 hours it would take to fly from Boston to Sydney.

Paul: One word….medication. OK, two words…heavy medication. This is why Xanax was given to human kind by the lab gods. You’ll be fine and likely remember very little.

Heather: You know that’s not going to happen. It’s not like I can’t fly normal distances. I’m not flight phobic.  It’s just that the idea of being trapped in a metal box for a 23 hour long flight makes my skin crawl. I mean, can you imagine THE BOREDOM?

Paul: Hey, I’m the master of maladaptive responses to boredom, so I’m sympathetic. But look at it as an opportunity to just detach from everything. You’re one of the most avid readers I know. Think of the books you could polish off! We’ll catch a couple of guilty pleasure movies. Think of it as a gift of no-responsibility free time.

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Heather: Oh, I wish that I could. But after about hour three on a long flight I start to get seriously twitchy. If I only have an hour or so to go, I can generally talk myself down.  But if there were still 20 hours to go?! I think I might claw my way through the fuselage.

Frankly, I can’t imagine you handling a flight that long well either. Do you remember the Millennial Master of the Universe sitting behind us on our last flight? The one who spent 3 and a half hours telling his friend about his 401k and his strategy for climbing the ladder? I thought you were going to strangle him with your headphone cord.

Paul: I think international fights are liberal on their justifiable homicide clauses. Pompous 20 somethings, loud yawners, and kids who kick the back of your seat repeatedly – all fair game.

OK, we may need his and hers noise cancelling headphones. On the XMAS list!

Heather: I wish it was just the noise. You know I am unable to sleep on planes. Every time I take an overnight flight to Europe I am all but out of commission for two days from the jet lag. Can you imagine me 23 hours behind on sleep?! It would take a week to come back from that.

Paul: We time the flights right so we arrive in the evening, crash for like 12 hours, and you’ll be fine the next day.  A little sun and wine tasting tour the next day and we’ll be as good as new. We won’t do heavy tourism the first few days, let you get your Down Under legs and then we’ll explore with a revived Heather!

Heather: Sounds good, but I think long before hour 23 I will be completely non-functional. I think you’re still underestimating the slowly mounting claustrophobia which will render me psychotic by hour 12.

How about we fly to LA, stay a week, then Hawaii for a week, then, I don’t know, Fiji for a week? I’m pretty sure I could handle four 6 hour flights with a week in between each. That won’t cost us more than, say, mortgaging our house, right? Maybe we can find a good house-sitting job in Fiji.

Paul: Must I dawdle in Southern California, Hawaii, and Fiji before Australia? I guess if you twist my arm, I can try to bear up. Deal.

We’re going have to side hustle our butts off the next few years to finance this one!

If you enjoyed this Throwdown, you might enjoy our recent discussion about whether Paul and I are cut out for RV Living!

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